being adult really hits different.

i know i'm not that old yet. i'm still 21, even though for the next 2 months, i'll be 22. but this age isn't that old, right? ㅋㅋ i mean, i still can be called with young lady or maybe young adult. but i'm not that aged too

but yeah, it's not somthin i gonna write today. maturity really doesn't matter with the age. age is just a number, right? ㅋㅋ

so, why i choose this topic for ma overthinking-ness tonight?

bcs i just've finished calculated ma own budgeting. calculating how much money i spent today, how much money left on ma hand, and how will i manage ma money for another months later. oh! also, what foods should i buy tmr which is still keep ma budget on its curve ㅋㅋ

after did a lot of stuff, i decided to switch off ma laptop, turn off ma light, n laying on ma bed. not really for sleep, but just gimi time for ma overthinking ㅋㅋ /jk

the correlation with ma topic today's i feel ma self has changing. not being an superman, spiderman, or etc. but i just feel that i'm more mature cus i really thinking about what should i do to survive in this world. and this kind of though really absorb that much energy from ma self.

although i did nothing for today, but i do feel exhausted. although i just sleep all day long, but i do feel tired. bcs what? ma body isn't really that moving around, but i feel a little, a lot of tiredness on maself. i mean, trully on ma self. in ma inside body. maybe, u can called that i'm tired inside?

i think, cus of that, i never feel any insecurity anymore. maybe not that much anymore. bcs ma life just too busy for thinking about how can i survive in here, rather than feeling jealous to other people n thinking a lot about it. just let it be. yaudah. that's her/his/their life. n we also must live our own life. stop comparing ourself with other people's. stop pretending how pityful ur life are. just stop being dramatic. 

this world is cruel guys. u can't waste ur time just for such a jealousy thing. for a thing that will only broke ur mental, making u feel more depressed or kind of that. but i won't get mad to u who still feel a lot of insecurity. for u, who feel that u'r the pitiest person in this world, i will not get angry to u or push u to move on n live ur own life..

bcs when i was younger than now, maybe around 2-3 years before, i also did the same. i felt insecurities, i felt easily jealous with random stuff, n i also felt that i was the most pitiest person in this cruel world. but i never feel mad with ma past self. bcs i thought that was kind of ma timeline in this life. ma timeline for me felt that feeling. 

and now, here's i'am. i become a better person than me in the past 2-3 years. 

ini semua masalah waktu. semua orang punya timelinenya sendiri. semua orang punya masanya sendiri. bahkan jika aku kembali ke diriku yang dulu, aku tetap akan melakukannya. membiarkan diriku merasakan rasanya insecurity, merasakan bagaimana rasanya down, merasa minder, dan segala macam hal lainnya. aku tetap akan membiarkan diriku menikmati masa-masa itu. belajar dari masa itu, dan menjadi lebih dewasa. berpikir ke depan, melangkah lebih maju, dan tiba di titik ini. 

ada banyak hal penting di dunia ini. setiap fase kehidupan memiliki kejutannya tersendiri. nikmati saja. jangan mencoba untuk meloncatinya, jangan mencoba untuk menyingkirkannya. tapi lewati. jalani. petik berbagai pelajaran berharga yang tersemat di dalamnya. ilmu itu luas. ilmu ada beragam bentuk. let's be open minded. melihat ilmu dari banyak sisi. memperkaya diri dari pikiran, hati, tingkah laku, dan perbuatan. 

semua orang punya waktunya sendiri. seiring berjalannya waktu, kau akan belajar hidup itu luas. hidup itu indah. hidup juga terkadang melelahkan. ketika kau sadar akan hal itu, kau akan bangkit. meninggalkan berbagai macam hal yang memberatkanmu. meninggalkan berbagai macam hal yang mengekangmu untuk bangkit. kau akan berjalan, bahkan berlari untuk mencari tujuan sejati hidupanmu. hidup lebih semangat dan bekerja keras untuk mencapai tujuan itu. sampai akhirnya, kau akan lupa apa itu insecurity. kau akan lupa hal-hal yang menggagalkanmu untuk maju.

ketika itulah, hidupmu terasa semakin berwarna. dan aku yakin, ketika tiba di fase itu, kau akan melihat indahnya kehidupan yang penuh perjuangan namun juga pensyukuran atas berbagai hal-hal kecil nan indah di dunia ini.

화이팅~

Galuh Prabaningrum★